Moby’s AV Corner

“Hellbilly Deluxe 2” by Rob Zombie (CD)

Full disclosure: I love, love, love Rob Zombie (in a very close to gay way)!  I have adored him ever since I first heard the rumbling of “Thunder Kiss ’65” by his old band White Zombie in 1992.  I applaud Mr. Robert Zombie for his vast contribution to the field of exotic dance, by providing a soundtrack unto himself for two generations of strippers throughout the globe. One cannot enter a gentleman’s club without hearing one of his stirring compositions.  Not to mention, Zombie’s films are among the sickest, funniest horror films ever.

This all being said, I was really enthused to hear that Mr. Zombie had put together a new kick ass band to record the “sequel” to his 1998 superbeast classic album, “Hellbilly Deluxe”.  Zombie has recruited former Marilyn Manson axeman John 5, former guitarist from the ghoul rock outfit Wednesday 13, Piggy D.,  and whom I consider the best new generation drummer on the planet, Tommy Clufetos (formerly of Alice Cooper and Ted Nugent).  Rob Zombie’s band is talented, loud, spooky and heavy.

If you have heard Rob Zombie’s music, you know it combines the elements of metal, rock, industrial and an undefinable, almost funk swing.  Unfortunately, Zombie and Co. decided to abandon the bulk of this winning formula and opted to go for a more classic rock sound on much “Hellbilly Deluxe 2”.

The first track, “Jesus Frankenstein” has a KISS -ish “God of Thunder” feel. “What?” is frighteningly close to stealing the main riff of Billy Squier’s “Everybody Wants You”.  “Mars Needs Women” and “Cease To Exist” sound like throw aways from a forgotten Alice Cooper album of the early 80’s. “Werewolf, Baby!” is a horror based “Slow Ride” (yes, Foghat).  “Virgin Witch” borrows from classic Sabbath. The final track of the album, the nearly nine minute “The Man That Laughs”  is reminiscent of Emerson, Lake and Palmer with its grandiose synthesizers and its mid song drum solo.  I love Tommy Clufetos’ playing–but let’s save the solos for the concert when I need to piss, okay?

There’s nothing wrong with classic rock–but it’s just not what Rob Zombie does best.  And that is not to say that there are not some great, rockin’, fun, signature Zombie tracks in this collection.  “Sick Bubblegum” and “Burn” could have come from the original “Hellbilly” album.  “Werewolf Women of The SS” ‘s Munsters meets punk/metal is one of my favorite Rob Zombie tunes to date.  It’s “Howl Baby Howl!” chorus will stick in your head for days…

I think Rob Zombie may have lost his way on this one.  Perhaps it was the all the hillbilly and classic rock he used in the directing of his “Halloween” remakes that took him to this place?  Regardless, he and his band still rock…just not the way I would’ve wanted or expected.  And that doesn’t mean that I have lost hope in the “Astro Creep”.  “Hellbilly Deluxe 2” is not a nightmare–but it isn’t up to par with the original.

For that reason, I’m sorry Mr. Zombie; but Moby Homemaker is leaving his tail in the water and swimming by. That’s not great.

“Feel The Steel” by Steel Panther (CD)

“Fuck the Goo Goo Dolls. They can suck my balls!”  That’s the FIRST line off of Steel Panther’s debut album, “Feel The Steel”.  If you agree with that foul sentiment–read on, this album’s for you!

If you are easily offended-just stop reading NOW! I swear, this could be the raunchiest record review ever.

Okay…you were warned.

Formerly known as “Metal Skool” (check them out on youtube–hysterical!  There’s video of them performing with some real deal talents–and Tony Homo), LA’s Steel Panther is Hair Metal’s answer to Tenacious D.  They are part spoof, part tribute and ALL kick ass glam metal (think of all the worst parts of Poison, KISS and DLR that you LOVE!).

I won’t bore you with names and the credentials of these guys.  They are legit, real musicians who have played with some well known artists.  Instead, I would like to use my time to do a quick and raunchy song by song breakdown of this filthy, verimnous, hysterically rawkin’, fun cd.

“Death To All But Metal”– This hair band rock anthem asks the proverbial question, “Where’s Def Leppard? Where’s Motley Crue?”, while also telling Dr. Dre and Eminem to “suck each other”.  Can you see where this record is going??

“Asian Hooker”– By far, my favorite epode to Asian call girls, sushi and blow ever.

“Community Property”-A filthy love ballad which asserts that the singer’s manhood is “communal”.  This one would make even Tommy Lee blush.

“Eyes of a Panther”-A genuine Judas Priest-esque rocker…until  you realize that the woman who is the subject of the song is being compared to a large cat….get it?

“Fat Girl (Thar She Blows)”-An homage to  Whitesnake’s “Here I Go Again”…and boning fat chicks.

“Eatin’ Ain’t Cheatin”-Do I really need to say anything else?

“Party All Day (Fuck All Night)”-Finally, somebody found a way to make “Livin’ On A Prayer” cool…and extremely profane!

“Turn Out The Lights”-An in depth exploration of scoring with ugly broads set to song.

“Stripper Girl” conjurs the spirit of “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”, except this tender ballad details the wonders of pole dancing, fake boobs and doing blow.

“The Shocker”-I have to put the chorus in print…I just absolutely have to!  Chorus: “Two in the pink. One in the stink”!

“Girl From Oklahoma” borrows the lameness of Extreme’s “More Than Words” in this acoustic debasement of Midwestern girls.

Completely infantile.  Completely crude.  Completely vulgar. Completely sexist.  Completely Metal!  If you miss spandex, mullets, Aqua Net Pink, picking up strippers and doing blow, Feel The Steel is up your depraved alley!  This one is NOT for kids and your wife with loathe it (unless she is a fake tittayed, coke snorting stripper)!!!

My brother Mulleteers unite! Don your Dokken t-shirts and turn this shit up!!!

Moby Homemaker gives Steel Panther’s “Feel The Steel” a TAIL UP (with devil horns!!!  \m/ \m/)!!!  That’s good.

“Them Crooked Vultures” by Them Crooked Vultures (CD)

Them Crooked Vultures is one of the newest “supergroups” on the music scene.  Comprised of Josh Homme (guitarist and vocalist for Queens of the Stone Age), Dave Grohl (Nirvana’s drummer and Foo Fighters frontman) and the legendary John Paul Jones (bass player of Led Zeppelin); Them Crooked Vultures are actually more of a “super garage band”.

If you like QOTSA, you will LOVE the Vultures debut.  Fans of the Foo Fighters and Nirvana will probably understand it.  Hard core Zeppelin fans may find “Them Crooked Vultures” a bit challenging.

Dave Grohl is back where he belongs beating the hell out the skins and adding great background vocals a la his Nirvana days and the album has the bottom heavy bass of many of the great Led Zeppelin recordings. But, most distinctively,“Them Crooked Vultures” definitely has the spastic sound of Queens of the Stone Age.

That being said, my fellow classic rock mullet-teers, fear not!   The funkiness of Zep can be found in tunes like “Reptiles”.  John Paul Jones harkens back to the obscure Zepplein classic “Wearing and Tearing” on  the Vultures’ “Elephants”.  “Bandoliers” ends with a “Kashmir”-esque outro.  And, Them Crooked Vultures pay a wonderful homage to Cream on “Scumbag Blues”; even incorporating some “Trampled Under Foot” keyboard stylings from Jones.

This is not a “pop”  or even a “classic rock” record.  It is pretty much an alternative/stoner piece.  At points it does get fuckin’ weird.  “The Doors-y “Warsaw..” and “Caligulove” are a bit off the rocking path.  The disco-ish “Gunman” somehow finds a way to blend elements of Pink Floyd, David Bowie and straight up electronica.  Like I said, it can sound fuckin’ wierd…interesting and loud, but strange.

As a Queens Of The Stone Age fan, Moby Homemaker gives “Them Crooked Vultures” a TAIL UP (that’s good!).  Led Zeppelin and Foo Fighters fans, give it a try–but enter with caution.

“Animal” by Ke$ha (CD)

Let me begin by stating that everything about Ke$ha’s debut album “Animal” is contrived. Let me also admit, that contrived pop music is a guilty pleasure of mine. I am not ashamed to admit that I have attended a Debbie Gibson concert…just don’t tell anybody.

If you have ears, more than likely you have heard Ke$ha’s totally infectous #1 single, “Tik Tok”. Well, the whole album is just that–infectous. “Animal” is chuck full of auto tuned vocals, drum machines, samples and cheerleader chants. No new ground is broken here. In fact, Ke$ha conjurs her inner Gwen, Fergie, Ace of Base and even Taylor Swift. The song “Stephen” literally sounds like a Taylor Swift got “Lost In Emotion” with Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam. But, that doesn’t matter. She’s not interested in creating this decades “Sgt. Pepper”.

Perhaps the thing that makes Ke$ha different from the aforementioned pop divas is her attitude. Songs like “Backstabber”’ whose chorus sings ( “..you’re such a shit talker”), to her references to drinking and boozing in tunes like “Your Love Is A Drug”, to her ode to older men macking on her in “Dinosaurs” sets her apart from your everyday Miley Cyrus’.

That attitude is evened out with the tenderness of the title track of the cd which could very well roll with the ending credits of “Valentine’s Day II”.

But the enduring theme of this contrived pop tart album is fun. “Party At A Rich Dude’s House” will have you fist pumping like Pauly D. and “The Situation” on a Saturday night at Club Bamboo.

Dudes will hate this album. Chicks will, more than likely, enjoy it.

Ke$ha’s “Animal” finds the strange crossroads where workout music, pom pom routine music and poll dancer anthems meet.

If Moby were a chick, he would give it a TAIL UP.  (That’s good!) Since he can’t admit to his friends he listens to shit like this–he won’t comment.

“Zombieland” (DVD)

Do you like gore?  Do you like extreme violence? Do you like filthy language?  Do you like Metallica and Van Halen (you know, the good version with David Lee Roth)? Do you like to laugh?

If you answered “yes” to these questions: 1) you are a man and 2) you will love this film.

“Zombieland” is a post apocalyptic undead comedy starring Woody Harrelson, the hot dark-haired chick from “Superbad”, and the kid who isn’t Michael Cera. This is not a thinking man’s movie–and that is why it is so fantastic.  There is a great cameo from a film legend, a ton of blood and guts and lots of hillbilly laughs delivered by Harrelson.

After you put the kiddies to bed and the wife goes to watch “One Tree Hill”: slip this one in, crack open a PBR and enjoy.  It’s quick and fun.

Moby Homemaker: Domestic God gives “Zombieland” a TAIL UP (that’s good!).

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