One of the most important duties of the Domestic God is to protect your children.  The protection of our children is of paramount importance, especially in this day and age.  Unfortunately, not many days go by without a news story about and Amber Alert or some horrifying abduction in Florida.  I don’t know what the fuck goes on down there–but there are some sick puppies in the sunshine state.  (Of course, my wife and I annually take our kids down there to vacation….oh well.) It is not such unthinkable acts that I wish to discuss.  I want to look at the importance of protecting our kids from the dangers of cyber pornography.

Unfortunately, this Domestic God knows far too much about cyber sex.  No, not that I am an expert in the boundless world of computer erotica, uh…What I mean to say is, that I had to learn the hard way how pervasive internet pornography can be and how it provided my 8 year-old son and I with an extraordinary non-beer “teachable moment”!

There are no two parents who are more responsible when it comes to our computers and our children.  The computer is always kept in an area which we are close to.  That being said; we usually let our oldest son go on various educational sites and gaming sites from his favorite Nick and Disney shows.

You can only imagine the reaction of my wife when she went on the computer that we keep in the kitchen to find the address “” logged  countless times in her address bar.  She did what any good mother would do in the same situation-she yelled at her husband for looking at smut on the family computer!  I told her the truth; that I would do nothing of the sort.  Of course, I know is a pay site–I don’t have money for that. And, there are plenty of good FREE trashy sites! But, I digress…

Once my innocence was established ; my wife then began going through the list of “smutspects”- buddies, uncles, grandpas, contractors, lesbian aunts.  No one had access to the computer for enough time to go to for this many visits.  That left but one more possible perpetrator.  No, it couldn’t be our little angel Colton?

After the shock was over, my wife and I decided that we needed to confront our 8 year-old son about what was on the computer. We sat Colton down and asked him point-blank if he was looking at naked people on the computer.  As if on cue, our son burst into tears and screamed “Yes, yes, yes!  I’m so sorry!”  Our emotions quickly went from dumbfoundedness to laughter.  There was something really funny about this.  My wife kept it together, so Colton knew this was a serious matter.He obviously felt bad about it, and he knew it was wrong.  I, however, could not control my laughter.  I went to the next room.

Once, composed, I then asked our oldest son how he came across the site?  Did a friend tell him about it?  Did he see it somewhere else?  He explained that he was on one of his favorite educational games sites,  We know that one and keep it in his bookmarks for easy access.  He said he did something to accidentally log it off. So, he tried to put it back in.  He unknowingly put “ in”–and “naked ladies popped up”.  Again he wept uncontrollably.  Between the slobbering and sobbing, my wife then asked, Why did you go back?  Did you like those pictures?”  In a loud groan Colton exclaimed, “Yessss!”.

Although my son had done wrong; I shit you not, a part of me could not have been any more proud of my boy at that moment.  Proof–he likes chicks…naked ones!  I was always a bit speculative because he sang along to the original Broadway recording of “Hairspray” nearly everyday with his mother when they were in the car.

No need to wonder anymore; my son is a red-blooded American man-child!  From that point on, Colton was no longer allowed to type in addresses without his parents.  In fact, he rarely asks to go on the computer anymore. He learned that smut sites were not for children and that he needed to be on guard for them.  I learned that my son was a jugs man in waiting.  It was a truly “teachable moment” for both of us.  This Domestic God and his oldest son will be meeting for a Red Stripe at Hooters in September 2022.


9 Responses to “”

  1. Megan Says:

    This squicks me out.

  2. Julia Says:

    OMG….John and I read it twice already and laughed hysterically every time. John would like to join you at Hooters in 2022! This is the best one yet!

    • MH:DG Says:

      Thanks Julie…feel free to pass the blog along to anyone who can read that is not easily offended.
      Looking forward to seeing you soon!

  3. Daisy Says:

    HA! Poor kid. Sounds like he scared himself because he liked the pictures. It probably did frighten him when that site popped up, because he knew it was wrong and that you and your wife wouldn’t approve, but at the same time he couldn’t look away. I’m sure it was hard for him to understand why it was even there on the computer in the first place. It is unnerving how very easy it is to happen upon such sites without even trying.

    Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment today. 🙂

  4. Daddy Files Says:

    I would’ve told my soon in no uncertain terms is he to go on unauthorized sites like that. I would’ve told him women need to be treated with respect and looking at them naked is not appropriate for someone his age.

    And then I would’ve called each and every one of my friends to brag about my boobie-lovin’ son!!!!

    Great post.

  5. Courtney Says:

    Lesbian aunt??? Are you trying to tell me something??? hahaha. Such a funny story!

    • MH:DG Says:

      No, that was no one on MY side…. “Moby Homemaker” is a character–that way I can write any crap I want. It doesn’t need to be historically (or in some cases, mathematically) accurate.

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