The Uppers and Downers of Domestic Deity

Sometimes, even this Domestic God needs a “pick me up”.  The daily grind of dealing with kids, cooking and cleaning and laundry can get the best of anyone.  The rigors of day-to- day domestic life can beat you down and make you feel low.  Since I don’t have the time or money for a crystal meth addiction (although, I could use the extraordinary weight loss… ); I had to find a better way to get a “buzz” and find some fuel. Boy-oh boy, did I find it…

Ladies and gentlemen, I have found the greatest natural substitute for “trucker speed” this side of the pharmacist’s counter–it’s B-12.  I don’t know what the hell is in this “vitamin”…but it’s good.  For all I know this crap could be destroying my liver and make my hair fall out, but I don’t give a shit.  I mean, I NEED this stuff.  Hey, the FDA allows Walgreen’s to sell it.  So, it must be safe. Right???

All I know is, every Monday morning when I am dragging ass, I can pop one of these B-12 suckers in my mouth and then getting the kids up, getting them breakfast, and getting them off to school is a breeze.  I even then have energy to do the dishes, do the laundry, clean the bathrooms and look for jobs.  This stuff is an f’ing miracle!

And the best part…when you feel that you might be coming down and tiring out around midday–pop another one of these bad boys!  You’ll be riding the “domestic dragon” within minutes!  Picking up kids, snacktime and dinner….no problem, dude!

An even better part…no need to call your dealer and meet him in a Denny’s parking lot when you run out.  No more “jonesing”. It’s so easy to score, man.  Just head to Wal-Mart, CVS or basically anywhere.  They all “deal” this shit!!!  Every store I know is” holding”.

Mick Jagger sang about “Mother’s Little Helper” in the 60′s.  Well, B-12 is the “Domestic God‘s Best-est Pal” now.

And when you can’t sleep from B-12′s amazing high, say ‘hello” and cool out with B-12′s Ambien-esque, smelly cousin, Valerian Root.  Yeah, baby….

To quote Ronnie “Z-Man”  Barzell in the 1970 cult classic film  ”Beyond The Valley of the Dolls“: “This is my happening…and it freaks me out!” –MH:DG